San Diego Soliloquies

Monday, February 21, 2005

Visiting the Darkness

There is nothing more powerful, more life affirming, more wonderful than finding your soulmate. The solid love, approval, strength, and support form a foundation from which anything can be built or achieved.

And there is nothing worse than the wait as that person lies on an operating table, the eyes that see into your soul closed by a reversible chemical death, machines pushing oxygen and pulling CO2 past the lips that spoke to your heart, your hopes, your dreams. You know this has to be done as you chant the statistics of how successful they've been before, and the small child voice in your head breaths prayers you'd forgotten decades before. Friends and family speak words that you catch maybe half of, but you struggle to hear and comfort them, just as he or she would.

But then to have the doctors finish, evaluate, then tell you that it may not all be fixed, that you both have more steps to take in this grey, scary journey; it's enough to crush a steadfast heart.

Perhaps unfairly, I measure the presence of a just loving god by how he treats objectively smart, sexy, patient, loving people like the Instawife. May God and the doctors work to bring the Reynolds many years and happy fat grandchildren.


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San Diego Soliloquies